What to do when you don’t hear from him (hint: don’t keep checking your phone every minute)

The Heart Less Travelled: What to do when you don't hear from him (hint: don't keep checking your phone hoping to hear from him)
Wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care (that’s what you do!)

So if you follow me on Facebook,  you’ll know that only very recently I went through the situation of dating someone only to have him just slowly disappear on me.

Latest update is that he did get back to me but it’s over anyway.

It was one of those situations that a lot of us have been through where you meet someone and it seems to be going really, really well. There’s plenty of banter and giggles and it seems like you have plenty in common and a really good connection (sounds eeringly similar to a previous situation I wrote about).

But then over time, in my case within a matter of weeks, the communication sort of just dwindles from his side.

And then the whole thing pretty much dies.

Yes it all sounds pretty morbid.

But ladies (and gents too for that matter), it need not be. Rejoice instead! This is the idiot who got away! If it happens to you, don’t be down about it. Shed a few tears, have a few wines and then pick yourself up, reset yourself and carry on living and building your own fricken awesome life!

Don’t take it personally and don’t ever bother questioning what it was you did wrong.

There could be many reasons why he just ghosted and most of them are probably nothing to do with you.

All that matters now is what you decide to do.

And if there’s only one piece of advice you take from all of this it’s this: don’t sit around waiting for him to call or message you.

And don’t bother chasing him with endless texts and phone calls. It’s just not worth it.

So what do you do instead?

Well now that I’ve gotten him out of my system, I’ve been thinking that there are just so, so many better and more productive things I could be doing with my time than investing it in someone who clearly is not interested in me and if you are after a few ideas, maybe try these things out:

Spend time with the people who love you

Whether that’s friends and/or family members, get in touch and make plans with them! They’re the ones that were there before him and will be there for you long after he’s out of the picture.

For me, this means hanging out with the friends I’m starting to make here in Brisbane as well as my housemates who I absolutely adore. It also means making video calls, phone calls and sending lots of text messages to my best friends in Perth, Sydney and New Zealand. Video calling by the way is a god send. My personal favourite apps are Line, Facebook Messenger and of course Skype.

Plan drunken nights out dancing, weekend trips, coffee catch ups, hiking, go sit in the park and draw pictures with pastels, play soccer, do whatever to help keep your mind off him.

Start a side project

Start a blog, write a book, start a YouTube channel, write tutorials, share your own recipes via Instagram, build a tree house. You never know where your project could lead you in the future.

Plus it’s a great way to keep busy, develop new or existing skills and quite simply have fun!

Exercise

Go for a walk. Join tabatas. Dance around in your room. Practice yoga. Join a sports team. Go hiking.

Just do anything that gets you moving!

Exercising regularly will also ensure you stay fit, healthy and strong.

Try an activity you haven’t done in a while

Perhaps you used to do guitar lessons or maybe you’re really into photography but you haven’t used a camera in a while. Maybe you love painting or sketching.

Think about some of the things you used to enjoy before life (or he) got in the way and try out one or two of those things.

I guarantee you’ll feel back in your element again.

Love yo’ self

Nothing works better than a bit of self-care. Get a manicure. Give yourself a facial – whether you use a recipe or go buy one already pre-packaged. Get a new hair style. Have a nice long hot bath with wine and a good book.

There’s no greater love in this world than the love you give yourself.

Explore

Spend the day exploring your town or city with the eyes of a tourist. You’ll be amazed by what new things you’ll discover and the people you may meet.

Flirt

Flirting has got to be the greatest thing ever. And there’s so many opportunities to practice flirting! At the bar, at a cafe, at a shop, waiting in a queue, at a concert.

Nothing has to come out of a flirting session, it’s just all a bit of fun and a great confidence boost.

Take yourself on dates alone

Sometimes a date with yourself can be just the thing you need and something I’ve written about before. It’s a wonderful way to learn to become comfortable with yourself and your own company and get out there and do things that you enjoy without feeling the need to compromise.

Take yourself to that nice restaurant you’ve always wanted to try. Go watch that cheesy movie no one else wants to see. Go cycling and spend an afternoon in the park under a tree reading a book.

Practice gratitude and be kind to yourself

This is especially important in those moments where you start to feel angry, sad, upset and frustrated.

Think about all the wonderful things you have going for you in your life.

For me personally I have so much to be grateful for: wonderful friends and housemates, a wonderful family, a great job, owning my own home and still being able to pay rent in another city, my health, a fully functioning body.

And when you find yourself feeling angry and frustrated and down about life, don’t be too hard on yourself. Acknowledge the emtion and just let it pass.

 

Moving on will take as much time as you need to move on. But I promise you, keeping busy, surrounding yourself with people who love you and building a super epic life will be just the cure. Whatever you do, just know that there’s too much wonderful stuff in this world to wait around for a guy who clearly isn’t man enough to be up-front with you. Think of it like this, his departure from your life means more space for far better stuff to come.

I know that I will move on easily enough and I will be OK.

And you will be too.

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