To all the men that try to reassure me that one day I’ll find a man of my own

To all the men that try to reassure me that one day I’ll find a man of my own: relationships, gender, gender equality, single, men

To all the men that try to reassure me that one day I’ll find a man of my own:

This letter is for you.

Why do you give me such a hard time about me being single? Why do you feel sorry for me being single? Do I look sad and unhappy to you? Have I spent my days moaning away wishing Prince Charming would come along and sweep me off my feet?


So what good sirs gives you the right to decide that I must be in a bad way if I don’t have a ring on my finger? Please enlighten me.

I’m not sure how I’m meant to be envious of your lives when all you seem to do is tell tales about your girlfriend/wife/partner, make terrible jokes about her cooking for you and constantly repeat the mantra, “happy wife, happy life” as if making a woman happy is the only way to have peace in your life. Lame.

While you’re too busy moaning about having to make your wife happy, I’m busy making myself happy. I go travelling wherever I want without having to compromise with a partner. I go out as much or as little as I like without having to coordinate plans with a partner. I eat whatever I want. I can move to another city if I like. I can go watch whatever movies I like and not have to share my food.

And please stop trying to match me up with this guy or that guy – the security guard at the pub we went to one night… The bar tender sweeping up broken glass at the other pub… Your client or colleague. If you are wanting to match me up with someone, do it with the belief that him and I may actually be a good match, not because you feel sorry for me and think I need to desperately be with someone.

I am disappointed in you. I am disappointed that you think of me in this way – some unhappy, dainty, needy girl who needs a man. I’ve run up hills carrying tyres in the mud and rain. I’ve moved countries and cities – alone. I’ve lugged my heavy suitcase up and down stairs all over freaking Europe. I’ve trained with pro muay thai fighters. I bought my own house – alone. I moved all my stuff and got new furniture for my house – alone (well my sister helped a bit). I’ve gone to the cinema and watched movies alone. Hell, I’ve even gone to rugby games alone. Now, where in any of that do you see dainty or needy?

I am even more disappointed in myself because I honestly expected this behaviour from other females, but not from men. I regret to say that I have been sexist against my own gender when I had no right. For while you were busy pestering me about finding a man, it was my fellow females who stuck up for me, empowered and inspired me with both their encouragement but also their own personal journeys of finding themselves, losing themselves and growing as people, regardless of what relationship status they may have.

I’m still not fully sure what compels you during a conversation to suddenly go, “It’s OK – you’ll meet someone.” I mean, we weren’t even freaking talking about meeting people! We were probably talking about working in the desert or me moving to Brisbane or something as random as African wildlife. Are you projecting your own fears and insecurities? If you can’t be alone, then surely neither can I. Or do you genuinely believe that I, along with all other females of the human race, want nothing more than the fairytale wedding with the Princess Diana wedding dress and the 3 tier cake? Well some of us might have that dream. But for those of us who dream otherwise, please don’t put us all into the same basket.

To all the men that try to reassure me that I’ll find a man of my own:

Thank you for your concern. I’m sure that no doubt, I will find a man of my own one day. But for now, let me just get on with running up hills with tyres, moving cities, lugging suitcases around Europe, buying houses and watching movies and rugby games alone.


Note: Featured image sourced from Pixabay.

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